It’s still bothering me

She is my friend.  He is her boyfriend.  He is my friend too because he is the boyfriend of my friend. 

She left with another guy leaving her boyfriend uninformed contradict to my advice to  really tell him everything – her plans, her hopes, and what she wanted to do.  Not just leave the guy stupid to think that it is still them and yet, she is already out with another.

She left for a place very far away.  One day, I got a message from him trying to ask me the “truth”  Of course, she is my friend, so I sort of lied that I don’t know the whole truth until he told me that he knows I know everything.  The girl too kept telling me “i should not tell him anything about the truth.”  Oh my goodness!  I had sleepless nights too reading the messages from him and I felt so guilty.  Until one time, I said, “am sorry.”  I just can’t tell you though I wanted to – she is my friend. 

She came back.  We met accidentally.  Until now, we haven’t gone out to bond yet.  I don’t feel it because few days after her arrival, she texted me she felt bad at me for telling “him” the truth.  Ohhh my god…I really wish any of you are my friends. I felt so bad of myself.  My reaction to her sms?  I said: 

I have to tell him the truth because since the you start meeting up with another someone, I feel he deserves to know the truth for the sake of good relationship.  You have hurt him so much of what you have done maybe not as much as you think he hurted you.  Even the thought you having a good time with someone somewhere and left him behind oblivious to what was really happening sounds so hurting already.  Am sorry – but at this point, i can say that we should stop lying na.  It dries up the soul.  It cruelly breaks whatever is left in the “won’t work relationship” – the respect if friendship is not achievable anymore.  I know you will thank me one day of what I have done.  I am hurt when you say – you feel bad at me.  You didn’t realize how much I covered for you – lied for you.  So I feel bad because I don’t deserve your bad feelings for what I have done.   Lying for you destroys my principles when it comes to honesty — but because I thought we have real deep friendship — I did something stupid.  Anyway, in whatever you do and whatever will happen in the future, don’t do to your present guy what you have done to my friend.  And may you be happy in your decision.  Living a life with honesty makes one so free.   And the most important – truth hurts. But there’s nothing more hurting than being left stupid.

Sorry I just have to let this out.  I haven’t spoken this yet to any soul except you, my friend.  Wish you could read me here and can understand fully my intension.  Then maybe I would be comfy go out and bond with you again.